Scanning Past and Future Lives Before Birth

I recall the pre-existing soul stage prior to entering my mother’s womb. Everything was part of the Oneness. Imagine all your senses just rolled up into one sense of being. You don’t really hear, see, taste, smell, or touch. You don’t do any of those things. Yet everything exists for you. And you are totally unattached. It is a total unity experience: Tat Twam Asi – “Thou art this. Thou are That.” I was aware of everyone and everything and everywhere else.

As the pre-existing soul, I saw my whole future life before me. I accepted its lessons, both the peaks and the valleys.

I knew there was going to be some discomfort – and sure enough, it came along in different shapes and forms – but I did not want to remember some valleys that I contracted for. So there was forgetfulness on purpose.

I remember a place of pure light, intermittent between lives where I enjoyed the freedom and movement of being without a physical body. I used remote-sensing capabilities of the soul instead of the sensual experiences of hearing, vision, smell, taste, and touch, used in a physical body.

My individuality was barely audible. That is the best way I can describe it. I had a subtle feeling of myself. All my senses became unified. Everything was one. Yet, there was still a subtle my-ness, identity, ego, an individuality.

I felt the presence of God, of not being totally one with God, but being in God’s womb, so to speak.

I was aware of other souls close by. It’s hard to explain because there was no space and time. Yet there was still the present, and other souls coming toward and going away from me.

Before I came into this body, I desired to achieve the maximum in terms of clearing up karma and reaching complete enlightenment. When the time came to establish my next lifetime, I travelled through a tunnel filled with lights representing the laws of nature [astrological aspects], and different people.

I had an ongoing dialogue with an angel, God, an aspect of God, or Saint Peter. It is hard to say exactly who he was. We discussed what I needed and how to achieve my purpose with particular individuals. I saw my goals as well as all the choices that I could make. It was like looking at a computer board, only the computers seemed like stars and planets. When I saw a quality I needed, like kindness or compassion, I pressed the corresponding light. Then, in a milli-second, I witnessed a panoramic view of roads I could take with different people in order to fulfill those objectives.

It is not as if my consciousness said: “Give me a good life,” “I want to be rich,” or “I want to be pretty.” It was simply, “It would be good for me to be rich or good for me not to be.” Or “It would be good for me to have the criterion for wealth – kindness – and once I established that quality, the wealth would come.”

I emphasized certain choices more than others. Since enlightenment was a major goal, I made a special effort toward having my spiritual master. There was no other path for me. I did not allow any leeway. And nothing in this life has interrupted my relationship with my teacher.

As part of the plan, I planned to be born into a family with Susan as an older sister. We had evolved through many lifetimes together. A soul magnetism brought us together again.

In contrast, I do not select specific parents. Rather I selected parents with a deep level of spirituality that did not fit into a little cubbyhole. They needed to be yogis in their own right. As it turned out, my parents are not dogmatically religious. My mother knows greater truths than those presented in traditional Christianity. Because of my mother’s openness, as a child, I could say, “Do you remember your birth, Mommy? I remember mine.” My mother did not ridicule my beliefs. A lot of parents do. Without this upbringing, I would not have had the same spiritual experiences as a child.

(Read Katarina’s complete story entitled, “Falling to Earth,” in Cosmic Cradle: Souls Waiting in the Wings for Birth.)

When I was setting up this incarnation, I wanted to get the most gusto out of this life. For that, I needed certain components. Just as when we cook a pot roast dinner, we need the proper ingredients. We can’t use apples and strawberries.

I wanted this lifetime to make a big impact on me. My goal was to learn about self-validation. I decided to experience the human condition from a horrendous perspective, doom and gloom, atrocities. Then, if I found my way back to Wholeness from that total annihilation of self, look what I would have accomplished. If I could make it, anybody could.

That is why I didn’t chose a mediocre life. Human experience works like a pendulum. If I had picked an easy “ho-hum” life, the pendulum wouldn’t swing very far. Those experiences don’t give a big evolutionary push. If I had a mediocre life, how motivated would I have been to do something about it? I wanted the pendulum to swing over to the other side and possibly break through. I knew that if something was tearing me from limb to limb, I would either crumble, retreat, or get my act together and move through them.

During the pre-birth prelude, I reflected on what beliefs, attitudes, concepts, and traditions had kept me forgetting who I really was in former lives. I realized, “Well, it didn’t work in that life. Or I accomplished a little bit doing it this way in another life. Or I maneuvered it around a little this other way.”

In one lifetime, for example, I had been born as an only child to loving parents. They left me in the care of someone else one day while they went on a trip. To make a long story short, they suffered a fatal accident. I went to live with my uncle who wasn’t a kind man. He didn’t like children and had no idea what little girls needed. He became angry that he had been saddled with taking care of this little girl. He abused me. As I grew up, I became bitter and couldn’t function. I lost the love I had inside of me. I became sinister.

I recall why I had planned to be with my uncle as that little girl. Prior to my life as that little girl, I made an agreement. There was a man who had lost the woman he loved in a devastating occurrence. His heart had been broken. I told him, “I will manage to be with you in your next life in order to open your heart back up.” The man agreed, “Yes, of course. I want my heart to be healed. What better way to do it than to be with a little girl who just wants love?” But, as we see, I couldn’t follow through on our agreement. The stage had been set. We had an opportunity to shift things around, but I lost the power to materialize that. When I was in the in-between, I had forgotten how intense it is to be in physical form. I didn’t realize how much focus it would take to turn my uncle’s heart around. It was too much, too big of a slice.

In planning my present life, I made certain that I had enough help to pull me through — the proper players. I laid out the whole plan. I literally did a role call, a screening, to see if all the components were there.

I made sure I had the support – the reminders, as well as the villains – the devastation, the heartache – to motivate me. It was like making a movie that required specific roles.

Then we practiced our lines, preparing for our parts, seeing how it played out. We looked to see if there were any missing players. We were setting the stage, making sure everything was in place. Of course, once I came through the tunnel, and came into form, I jumped in and forgot so that I could do it. That is the game, one of the rules I agreed to.

Read Lania’s entire story in her chapter entitled, Overcoming Spiritual Amnesia, in Cosmic Cradle, Souls Waiting in the Wings for Birth. Discover how Lania’s memories parallel teachings of ancient Greeks, Sufis, and Gnostics, as well as the Jewish Kabbalah: the physical body is a tomb, prison, or cage until we wake up and remember who we REALLY are.

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