Conception Awareness

• Uterine Wall as a Miniature Quantum Mechanical Telescope
• Pillar of White Light
• Divine Planners
• Energy Shifts
• Ecstatic Conception
• Fulfillment of Motherhood
• Cosmic Conception in the South Pacific

Jennie: With my first pregnancy, Peter and I sensed the moment we had made a new body for a soul. It felt like the egg had just been waiting there. Our sexual union created a wholeness that was full of energy, light and bliss.

A few days later, there was a subtle physiological sensation in the uterus, like a pin prick. Intuitively I knew it was the implanting of the fertilized egg. I wondered, "Can the egg be coming down the fallopian tubes and almost in the uterus at the time of intercourse?" (Fertilization takes place in the fallopian tubes and then the fertilized egg travels for two or three days to find the uterus.)

My doctor used a fetalscope to hear the baby's heartbeat and the whooshing sound of blood moving through the placenta to the baby. With this instrument, he pinpointed on which side of the uterus the placenta was located. The placenta's position was exactly where I had sensed the piercing of the uterine wall. There is no doubt that I knew when and where the egg was implanted.

Could Jennie really experience such a subtle event? It is possible. As a matter of fact, scientific experiments have demonstrated how biologically sensitive we are. For example, the human eye can perceive a photon while someone sits in a dark room with eyes open. A photon is a single quantum of light, the smallest unit of measurable, known light. Although subjects in this experiment swore that they did not see the photon, the visual cortex of the brain registered the event when the photon hit the retina and stimulated the optic nerve to send a message to the visual part of brain.

So if humans are this sensitive, why couldn't Jennie experience the change in the electrical field around the egg at fertilization? The electrical polarity change in the fertilized egg's cell wall membrane when the sperm penetrates the egg's cell wall is a gross quantum physical event, sufficient to register in the consciousness and be observed as such in a person with sensitive perception.

Could the uterine wall have sensed this? Perhaps the lining of the uterus is like a miniature quantum mechanical telescope. A number of women perceive this event on the level of consciousness or they perceive the physical change of the nerve tissue being gently tickled by this electrical change on a quantum level.

Jennie may have experienced an angelic being attach something to allow the fertilized egg to live. In reality, divine hands may select the sperm which receives a kind of cosmic tickle to unite with the egg. In such a subtle manner, this hidden influence guarantees that the soul will have the mind and body it needs for a journey of perhaps one hundred years.

Valerie: A pillar of white light silently descended into our bedroom at the same time my husband and I conceived each of our two children.

It is a challenge to describe my inner experience. An inner seeing is alive and real, but less material than looking at somebody across the room. The shaft of pure white light measured about two feet in diameter and descended from the ceiling straight down to me and my husband. My husband Scott also noticed it and we mentioned it to each other.

Two weeks later, an early pregnancy test showed positive. We realized, "Oh, that must have been what we were experiencing." I am certain that was the only day I could have conceived.

With our next pregnancy, Scott and I sought counseling about the best astrological time to conceive, diet, what to do to bring in the highest soul, and so forth. On the night we conceived, we offered prayers to God about feeling honored to have a child. This time I realized what was happening as soon as the "pillar of white light" appeared. I immediately felt pregnant and told Scott, "I am conceiving a child." A pregnancy test confirmed my intuition.

Cross-Cultural Parallels

Teresa: I entered a heightened state of awareness one night during the quiet moments following sexual intercourse with my husband. I felt relaxed, yet, wide awake and entered a dream-like state.

I became aware of the Divine Planners who assist me while I am in the physical world. The first divine being was a man with black hair dressed in saffron robes, lean to the form. The other divine planner wore a neutral-colored flowing robe. They were having a board meeting "on the other side" -- discussing whether I was going to have a child in this lifetime. I elected to have a child and they granted me permission. This was a major moment in my life plan, the moment of decision. The two figures then walked away into a light blue mist.

Next, there were footsteps and the sound of a door opening. The divine light outline of three men passed through the bedroom wall and came toward me and my husband. The figure in the center seemed to be knocked out unconscious or sound asleep. His arms were wrapped around the shoulders of the other two beings who were carrying him into our bedroom.

I whispered to my husband, "I don't think we are alone." He replied, "What?!" Tom looked around, unsure what I meant. He did not see anyone and went back to rest.

The three figures approached me. I felt this strange tugging at my abdominal area. Next I saw the perimeter outline of a face close to mine. The face had a light shadow with light around it, so I was unable to see the face distinctly. A beautiful energy laid down over the top of me. It was much larger than my physical form.

Then I heard footsteps and the sound of a door closing. Two figures had walked away. One had stayed with me. Within five minutes after intercourse, I realized, "I conceived a son." The only delay had been the time needed for the Divine Planners to make their decision. Once that happened, God's helpers arrived and attached the soul of my child to my womb.

My life plan changed that night. I would have been used on the planet for a different purpose if I had not elected to have a child since being a mother and homemaker would limit the amount of social service I could do.

I consulted a doctor in order to confirm my intuition. Even though the doctor gave me a blood test, it took four trips to the clinic before the test confirmed my pregnancy. The receptionist probably thought I was crazy, but I knew before it registered and I kept going back each week.

Cross-Cultural Parallels

Other researchers have reported similar sensitivity as illustrated by the following example:

Susan: I felt a subtle energy change during sexual intercourse with my husband -- an experience of an extra spark. A seed spark had become enlivened. There were now two of us inside one body. I wanted to verify my pregnancy with a test. The doctor asked, "How long has it been since you missed a period?" I said, "I have not missed one, but I am pregnant." He said, "You must miss a period first. Then come back to take a test." So I waited and of course, the test confirmed my intuition.

I sensed that I would have a daughter. Her soul hovered about five feet above me. She stayed outside of the womb for a while even though the spark of the new life was in me. I talked to her in my mind. She helped pick out her name.

Joanna: My husband and I conceived our second son Patrick on Valentine's Day. It seemed like a good day to start a baby. One day later, I knew I had conceived. It was a physical experience -- an elevator feeling in my head, like going up and down in an elevator or driving over a steep hill. I had this same experience each time I conceived a child.

I thought we had conceived twins, because I sensed so many different feelings about the child's personality. It turned out that he is just a changeable little boy.

Leigh: My energy shift began on the day following intercourse. I had a seeping feeling that I was pregnant. An inner silence continued to grow during the following days and weeks. Throughout the entire pregnancy, I felt wholeness, perfection. I felt blessed to be caring for a new life. I thought, "I am unique in the world. There is life inside of me. The Creator is working inside of me.

Adrian: I conceived immediately after Joe and I made love. There was a big knowingness. I felt the child's spirit coming into me. It was overwhelming to experience the child's being residing within me. There were clear physical signs a few days later: electric sensations in my breasts and intuitive sensations I had never felt before.

Parallel examples have been reported by other researchers:

Lisa: Following a three-month trial separation with my husband, we made love and experienced a "conception orgasm" that created our only child.

Ecstatic explosions went off all over bodies. It was incredible, like the bootonaires that come at the grand finale of a Fourth of July fireworks display. We felt a big blossoming all over our bodies, not just in our heads. It continued for ninety minutes, during the entire love making. When we finished, my husband said, "That was the best sex we ever had." That ecstasy is related to my daughter's consciousness. She is a very high level child, extremely intelligent. She has the vocabulary of a six-year-old at the age of two.

Beverly: Conception of our only son Taylor after six years of unprotected sexual intercourse was ecstatic. I know the time, date and the place of conception. One morning my husband and I were making love. Just as we both orgasmed, the bliss washed through me and I heard my son Taylor laugh. I felt the kind of calm I feel when I am alone in the forest with only God. It was exquisite. Something had been missing in my life until then. Taylor is part of my being and I had been yearning to finish me. Now I had finally gotten there. Taylor is part of me the same way I am part of him.

In retrospect, I know why conception was not allowed to succeed despite innumerable opportunities, during six long years. I was not ready to raise him. I did not have enough joy in my life, not have enough perception of myself. Why should my son step out of eternity into a ball game that was not set up yet? I wouldn't. Why hurry? He came after I went through certain experiences to help me appreciate the preciousness of life, including losing some dear friends.

Helen: When my husband and I made love, so much bliss washed through me that I started crying. Physiologically it felt no different, but I experienced a knowingness.

My husband did not understand my tears. And I did not dare say, "Oh, by the way we just conceived the child who has been hanging around me for years." That's because Jason was still in school and studying for final exams. By his standards, it was not ideal timing to have a child. He did not have a job offer yet and we did not know where we would be living after his graduation. But in the end, it worked out perfectly.

Parallel examples have been reported by other researchers:

Sarah: I have been intuitive even as a child. So it was no surprise when inner experiences confirmed conception of my son.

After my boyfriend John and I made love one night, we had a conversation. After twenty minutes, John went into the bathroom. I rested in bed experiencing total silence. All of a sudden, a voice that resonated with authority said, "Sarah, you are pregnant." It was not a familiar voice, yet it was clear -- almost like it was coming from inside of me. Because I was not married, I thought, "That will be interesting."

The next day, my whole body felt full of presence, soft and satisfied. A rich, deep, quiet, full biological satisfaction. I savored a still maturity in my body.

Later when I missed my period, I started to panic. It was not a good idea to have a child because I sensed the relationship with John was temporary. I did not know what to do. I visited my stepmother when I was one week late for my period. She sensed something was wrong and asked, "Sarah, are you pregnant?" I answered, "Of course not." Then she said, "If you are, don't do anything foolish. Your father and I will help you."

Shortly after that, our family doctor examined me. There he was standing over me and my legs were all spread out. When he said, "There is a fifty percent chance that you are pregnant," I tasted true joy for the first time in my life. I was ecstatic inside -- complete and total bliss -- not at all what I expected.

Prior to that, even though I was happy, adventurous, and held a tremendous love for nature and life, I did not feel life had much meaning. I remember going to sleep the night before my eighteenth birthday and feeling certain that I would not wake up in the morning. I was surprised when I found myself alive. I thought. "There must be some purpose for my being here."

I had serious misgivings arose a few weeks later when my pregnancy was confirmed. I thought, "What am I doing? I must be out of my mind." So I made some pennyroyal tea to abort the baby. I stood in front of the couch with the cup of tea in my hand. Just as I put the tea to my lips, this force shoved me onto the couch. A loud, raging voice said, "No!" I spilled the tea and sat down.

The voice explained, "I am coming to the planet and you are the vehicle I must come through." I said, "Okay, I surrender. I will be the vehicle for you to come into the world."

When the nurse brought my newborn son to my bedside, it turned out to be the most significant moment of my life. Everything disappeared when he looked into my eyes. I could not hear or see anything else. All I saw was this completely conscious being looking into my eyes. His eyes were as large as grapefruits. I was looking into the eyes of pure and total consciousness. My son knew he was there and he looked all the way into the back of my belly button, all the way into my soul.

I witnessed a pure consciousness and a knowing that I had not known in myself. I experienced the purest, most powerful awareness I had ever encountered in anyone's eyes.

He "knew" who he was and I did not have a clue who I was or who he was. The experience changed the direction of my life. It awakened something in me and set me on a search to find that "Knowingness" within myself.

Katarina: Even though my experiences are abstract, they are real, innocent and concretely experienced. Just like opening your eyes and seeing all aspects of a tree. Because my experiences do not have clear outlines like a tree, it's harder to use concrete words. In spite of this, people are familiar with the inner Self because everyone is that fundamentally. Therefore how could it be foreign to them? At some point in life, everyone experiences it. People forget this true inner reality only because the human intellect identifies with the object of the senses.

Six months prior to the conception of my third child at 35, my consciousness shifted to a highly-empowered state. I became stronger physically, mentally and spiritually. These powerful mind-body transformations were not simply overnight happenings, but grew from twelve years of day-by-day intense inner meditation practice, major life style changes and as the culmination of several years of intensive full-time meditation study in retreats where I withdrew completely from the world and entered the meditation state on a much deeper scale.

The depth of life experienced on those courses never left me. During that last six-month period, enormous breakthroughs in consciousness occurred, enlivening the cosmic reality within. My inner reality was the unbounded bliss of the Self.

Coming out into the world again, the effect of the world was minimal. Daily fatigue could be washed off very easily. The impact and impressions that stressful situations left in my mind and body were not like a deep line carved in stone. Instead they were like an invisible line drawn on air. I was anchored. The ups and downs of life did not toss me around. Whatever waves came up on the surface were handled without being blown away by the winds of change. For two years afterward, I was in a higher state of consciousness 24 hours a day.

In spite of the powerful transformations in my psyche and life style changes, my third pregnancy was unanticipated. Conception took place three days after my second wedding celebration and marriage to Sean. We had no urgent desire to start a family, but Nature intervened to set us on a different course.

We honeymooned in the South Pacific. During sexual intimacy, on the third day after our wedding, the condom broke. Did the condom break by accident? There is a tendency to rationalize life's events as accidental happenings when we have no control over them such as unanticipated pregnancies. However I do not believe in accidents or even that pregnancies are accidental. I had a deeper understanding from a new state of consciousness.

On the surface, conception looked like an accident, yet the pregnancy was arranged. Conception of the child had nothing to do with our desire to start a family. The fullness of life was aching and desiring to expand.

Given a conscious choice, we would have done what most rational people do -- which is to wait some time, be married for a year or two, set yourself up financially and start a family comfortably. But it was not like that. Conception is automatic when you're that open and when there's a need or desire for life to have that. It was beyond me. I was surrendered to it.

Being open means being in harmony with the will of Mother Nature. Nature's Will became my will. In this case, pregnancy was not a conscious choice rather it was unplanned and untimely; nevertheless, I did not entertain thoughts of abortion or adoption. I simply surrendered.

When the heart chakra (energy center in chest) is unfolded and wide open and when the mind is functioning from a deep level of silence; then, you cannot do, but what Nature orders.

Sprouting of Creation

One clear experience stands out. About one or two days after intercourse, Sean and I were caught by the ocean along a very desolate, wild stretch of Hawaii's coastline. Sean and I sat on the beach to meditate. As I closed my eyes, I felt I was becoming the ocean of life -- an infinite, shimmering sea of light: just light inside. Just pure consciousness becoming very simple. And I saw within this light, visually but not with my eyes because I was the ocean as well as the transformations taking place, I saw as if I was the cells dividing -- it was more subtle than that though -- it was just experiencing the tremendous activity taking place deep within. I became aware of a wave growing at a phenomenal rate -- dividing from within itself. This stirring or activity that I was experiencing caused ripples in the effervescence of the light which gave me the feeling that the ocean was growing. Life was becoming more. In that process of rippling of it, this was felt as life being felt or bliss becoming blissful.

The whole thing was an innocent perception, simply being a witness to a process going on inside myself. Of course, I immediately afterwards opened my eyes and said to Sean, "I'm absolutely sure I'm pregnant." It was very obvious by then. There was no going back now.

It was a beautiful experience. Literally creation was manifesting from its first sprouting. It was the process of cell division on the manifest level, but that was not where my awareness was. My awareness was deeper than that because I was the process of cell division.

Quantum Leap in Consciousness

It was all in the light. But I don't believe it is abstract. I believe people are familiar with it. You read about this in all these books about the saints. It's not that new. People have been experiencing it for centuries.

I think that the cosmic psyche, the cosmic awareness of universal consciousness, knows within each individual. It's like that hundredth monkey concept -- when monkeys on one island learn new tricks, then monkeys on another island know that trick. It's that thing.

Katarina is referring to scientists who observed the eating and food-gathering behaviors of monkeys on several islands. Normally the monkeys dug up a particular vegetable and ate it without washing it. One day a monkey went down to the ocean and washed the vegetable. Then even though there was no way that the monkeys communicated, other monkeys, even those on other islands, within a short period of time adopted the same practice.

Diving into the Ocean of Consciousness

The profound inner experience of being the life-force at the basis of cell division confirmed my pregnancy. Obviously something very special was occurring which had not been there at any other time. Normally when I meditated and dived into that ocean of consciousness, which I've done many times, there wouldn't be that multiplication or that deep stirring of activity from within it. In the past, it was just the ocean of Being -- it's shimmering, effervescent, it's full, but it had never been multiplying and dividing within itself.

It was a special experience. It was as if my individual existence absorbed the life of the ocean and carried on the ocean's activity with the strength and power behind it. But this time, I literally turned back in on myself and all the energy, activity, focus, and awareness were the ocean -- and then that's where the activity was taking place, not on the surface of life.

Sometimes it is difficult to describe subtle experiences. I can be like describing the taste of a strawberry to someone who has never tasted one. So let me elaborate a little bit.

You can experience becoming the Self by either absorbing it into your self or becoming absorbed in it. Different saints over the centuries have described it both ways. My experience at that time was the absorbing of the ocean within my Self. In the process, I became the ocean.

This literally visual and otherwise experience went through all the senses, I guess, but it's hard to say you're doing it with the senses, because you are it. I was experiencing it. I was it. Established in the self-effulgent Self, the ocean of the Self, I was totally in the light where there are no boundaries, no nothing. There was a realization that this ocean of consciousness as well as the transformations taking place deep within it was my true nature.

I perceived that the whole of nature shifted from independent, simple physiological to a deeper state of Nature's functioning where literally I was experiencing the process of creation from its first sprouting. I was aware of the underlying life-force at the basis of cell division. Instead of only enjoying a painting's colors painted onto a canvas, it was as if I saw the blank canvas hidden beneath.

Yes, I was within that. I was the life-force within the cell division -- what the cell division was made of -- the self-effulgent state of the unbounded Self. It was a refined experience of the mechanics of creation unfolding from the deepest level to the most manifest. The laws of nature were doing their stuff on the surface and suddenly manifesting in that first sprout of manifestation, but my awareness was stationed on the level from where life comes from.

My experience of conception indicates that physical life has its roots in a field of consciousness just like a field of corn has its roots hidden in the depths of the soil. When we perceive on the level of the physical, we only see the physical, just like seeing the field of corn. Until we see its basis, it's true nature is hidden.

A Mother's Song

From the moment, we had intercourse, I noticed a physiological and spiritual shift. I was aware of something different happening in my body. An incredible sweet feeling of peace welled up inside. I was extremely content, totally full and very quiet as if my body was surrendering to cosmic forces.

Conception catalyzed inner experiences which became a daily feature for nine months. Throughout pregnancy, frequently during quiet moments, my awareness was totally pulled into the Self. My inner being no longer flat, but lively. A sprouting of a new wholeness inside me became a bigger fullness day by day. In my delivery, I experienced the same thing more and more. The boundaries of my individual body melting, surrendering and fusing into the cosmic body.